i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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