Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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