Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
