this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
