his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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