So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
