FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Bring me that man meat
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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