I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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