worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
its not stalking. its research.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize