I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
