i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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