I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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