My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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