i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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