Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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