so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize