Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
