Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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