You're so nebulous sometimes
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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