Only a mothe r could love this liver
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
