im drinking this country out of the recession.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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