I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
