Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
