i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
