Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
