He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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