i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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