Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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