what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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