I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
