if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
