Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
