I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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