He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize