Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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