i need an iv and a liver transplant
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
