I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
