i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
True strength comes from lack of pants
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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