guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
