dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You're like the curious george of whores
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
