she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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