God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
