When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
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We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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