I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
