I can tuck mytits in my pants
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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