so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
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she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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