Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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