Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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