Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Edward fifth and chaser hands
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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