The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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