i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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