think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just googled if crying burns calories
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work