remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Houston, we have a squirter
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags