I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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