Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
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The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
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Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been