I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?