My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.