from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.