i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
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She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
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The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?