So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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