Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
