I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
