Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
