He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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