Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
