so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
