I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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