How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
