I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
