I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
