life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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