im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
