The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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