i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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